For me, I had no problem admitting I was an alcoholic. I knew without a doubt that my life had become unmanageable and that I had a problem. It definitely didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out I was sick and that my body has no tolerance to alcohol. So, yeah like I said already it was easy for me to admit it.
Yeah, that was another thing. In fact, the first couple years in the program I don’t believe I ever came to the point of true acceptance. Sure I could openly admit I was an alcoholic but I couldn’t accept it – there was still that little voice (sometimes a lot louder – especially when others around me spoke it out loud) inside my head that kept telling me I wasn’t an alcoholic and that eventually I could be a normal drinker – just one beer with dinner or go out with friends and have a couple drinks. I wasn’t willing (or ready) to accept that I would never be able to do any of those things.
Eventually I relapsed. And honestly, looking back at the situation – it’s not surprising. When I wasn’t willing to accept or do the work of the program, a relapse was pretty inevitable.
So when did acceptance come into the picture?
It took a long time for me. It’s just been over these last 10 months since the relapse that I have truly wrapped my brain around acceptance – accepting that I am different than ‘normal’ drinkers and alcohol will kill me, accepting that I have to work at staying sober even harder than I worked at staying sick. Accepting that I am not a bad person – just a sick person that has done bad things.
The list goes on and on. When you get to the place of acceptance (at least for me), it’s a freeing experience. Hopefully you find acceptance in your journey a lot sooner than I did 😉
Until next time…
One day at a time!