A few days ago marked my seven month anniversary…since the relapse. On one hand things have been a lot different since coming back through the doors (of AA) and starting over again with sober living. But on the other hand some things haven’t been different.
One of the biggest differences is that this time I’m acutally putting forth a lot more effort towards working the steps…including that nasty scary 4th step that I put off and put off before.
I’ve been lucky enough to have the opportunity to particpate in a really cool 4th step workshop in my area and it’s just what I needed.
Before my relapse, I kept making excuses (main one being it was going to bring up nasty horrible emotions/things about me) including that I didn’t know how to do it. In other words I was over thinking and over complicating things.
As I’ve went through this step-by-step, week-by-week workshop I’ve found that it’s not nearly as scary as I thought it was! Yes I’ve found several things out about myself that I’m not proud of. But now that I’m aware of them, I can make sure I don’t do them/change those character defects.
The workshop has really helped me simplify the process by breaking it down into bite size chunks where each week we’ve been assigned some homework to help us complete the 4th step worksheets.
It’s just about time to do my 5th step now. I can’t believe I’m finally to this place in my recovery where I’ve been putting in the effort and the work to get to this place.
It’s a weird feeling – proud of myself for doing this, sad because of things I’m finding out about myself and all the crazy things I’ve been holding resentments for for so long of my life, and a sort of empowerment type feeling. Empowering because once I do the 5th step and share these things I’ll be taking back my life. If that makes any sense….
So, I just wanted to pop in real quick and post an update about all this. I know I don’t blog here much – sometimes I wish I took more time to do it but I don’t so it is what it is 🙂
Until next time…