Wow….it’s been a really looooong time since I’ve wrote!
Lots of reason’s for that:
I haven’t really felt compelled to write here
I’m guessing that’s because I’m really working the program and sharing around the tables, sharing with my sponsor and a few close friends.
In the beginning, I started this blog as way to journal my journey through getting sober and learning to live sober. I’ve also struggled with the fact that I started this blog under a pen name (Ginger) and I HATE that. I feel like that doesn’t allow readers to connect with me because I’m “hiding” behind an alias. There are several reason I made the decision to do this (I won’t get into them here) but it’s NOT because I’m ashamed of being an alcoholic and didn’t want people to know my real name. But, I could go on and on about this and I don’t want to because I have a lot more to share.
I’ve been busy
Of course we’re all busy and life will probably always be busy. But I’ve been insanely busy – some days I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. And I’ve also realized through all this that I need to slow down and take more time for myself, etc. When I get so busy that I don’t have time to do things that calm me (read, sit at the beach, etc) I lose my sense of peace, my sense of serenity and that’s not a good place to be in.
And of course my list could go on and on as to why I’m not writing. But I suppose the whole point of having a blog is to write when you feel like it, and I just haven’t felt like it. But because it’s been so long since I have wrote I have something very exciting to share with you…
I Have Been Sober For 14 Months!
And what a 14 months it has been! I’ve gotten through some major things (2 suicides, my grandma passing, some scary health issues and much more) that I would have never been able to stay sober through had it not been for God, my sponsor, the AA program and the friends that “picked me up” and “carried” me through those crises.
14 freaking months!
I’m definitely proud of myself and the hard work I’ve put in. But I think the hard work is really just beginning – I’ve finally started my 4th step (I was NOT ready before and I’m in a place now where I know that I know that I know I’m ready to work it and start getting into the nitty gritty of the steps/program).
I can only imagine how my life is going to change now that I’m starting to work probably one of the most important steps. It’s emotional and hard doing this ‘fearless and moral inventory’ of myself. There are some very ugly things I’ve done that I’m ashamed of but I know my alcoholism made me do the things I did because I wasn’t in a place to make better decisions. And most importantly, I’m realizing that everything I’ve done/went through with my drinking got me to where I am today – SOBER for 14 months!
And oh my gosh sober living is the most amazing thing ever. There were times that I was sober for long periods of time (but binge drank on weekends…so technically I guess I wasn’t sober) but this is truly the first time in my life I’ve really lived sober/free from the grips of alcohol…although I know that around every corner the grips of alcoholism are trying to take me back to the ‘dark side’ – the drinking – and that I have to continue working the program and going to meetings every day.
14 months of my life have been lived without one sip of alcohol (something I NEVER thought I would ever be able to do!) and it’s amazing. I’m learning new things about me and things I didn’t know if I liked or not because I was always drunk while doing them. So, yeah this has definitely been a self discovery journey and I know it will continue to be one!
So, yeah that’s where I’m at right now…life is good. Really good. Really really good 🙂