Thursday marked my 60th day of being sober!
I remember thinking I wouldn’t make it to 30 days – hell I didn’t think I would make it one week! That first week, actually it was about the first 15 days, was HELL. I went through withdrawals like crazy. I had the shakes, I was sick to my stomach, I couldn’t stop sweating, my heart raced…it was not pretty. But when I wanted to give up AA was there. Not just the program but the people.
These people are now my family and friends. These people haven’t given up on me even when I’ve been a negative – oh pity me life sucks being sober – Nelly. These people have and continue to love me…even though I don’t love myself. One day I hope be able to love myself. When I hear other women around the tables share their stories about early sobriety and how they didn’t love themselves either but over time learned how to do it…it gives me hope to hang onto that I too one day will be able to love myself.
I truly believe it’s because of AA, these friends/family and my higher power that I’ve been able to make it 60 days. Actually it’s 62 days now if you want to be technical 😉
I’m still in that early sobriety funk – guess that’s what you would call it. Things are still a mess. Things are still miserable. I still want to drink. I still crave the alcohol. My depression comes and goes. I’m still having trouble sleeping. And I still have those pity party days where I feel like Eeyore times a thousand. Seriously there have been some pretty bad Eeyore days where I couldn’t see anything positive even had a million bucks been dropped in my lap – I still would have found something negative even about that.
But I’m sober 🙂
And that’s all that matters. I just know that all I have to do and focus on is making it through one more day, 24 more hours. Sometimes I even just focus on making it through one more hour because honestly sometimes even focusing on a 24 hour time period is just too much.
I want to celebrate the fact that I’ve been sober for 60 days now but the first thought of celebration that popped into my head was to head to the bar, planting my rump on my old bar stool and getting shit faced. Obviously that won’t work. I can’t celebrate like that anymore. So, I’ve been trying to come up with a better celebration and I think I’ve figured it out.
Here’s how I plan on celebrating my 60 days of being sober:
- My kiddo and I are going out to dinner – It may be something as cheap as McDonald’s because I can’t afford a fancy sit down restaurant but I want to be with my kiddo. I want to celebrate with him.
- Renting movies – The local video store has some really cheap (2 for $1.00 or some ‘nearly new’ movies for $1.00) rentals so I’m going to stock up on some oldies I haven’t seen in awhile and have a movie watching marathon.
- Watching the sunset at the beach – I love sunsets. There’s just something so calming, peaceful and relaxing about them. When I watch them it makes me feel happy. Being at the beach is so calming too. The sound of the waves soothes me. And when I sit at the beach that’s the one place that makes me feel like everything is going to be ok.
So, that’s my plan for this afternoon/this evening to celebrate 60 days of being sober! I feel like I deserve to honor and celebrate this occasion because it’s such a huge milestone for me. I still have a long journey ahead of me but with each day that passes, each month that passes, etc I think things will get better and easier.
Until next time…