Today has been a day of lots of self-reflection, journaling, talking and being deep in thought. After last night I knew I had a lot of things to think about and reflect on why I did what I did. On one hand I needed to be proud that I walked away from not one but two situations that could have been bad but on the other hand I can’t stop beating myself up that I put myself in either one of the situations.
I met up with a friend from AA and for a couple hours I poured my heart out about what I was feeling. It felt really good talking about things. But it also reminded me that I have such a long way to go in so many different areas of my life. I’m so unhealthy in so many different areas – food, spirituality, men, finances, etc. But right now I can only focus on one thing and the most important thing is my sobriety.
I was sharing with my friend today that my treatment counselor told me it’s not surprising for an addict to have more than one addiction. That really hit home last night. And she also told me it wouldn’t be surprising if now that I’m working on the alcohol addiction if other addictions that haven’t been present in awhile came out…and that’s exactly what’s happening.
But the most important thing right now is to stay focused on my sobriety and not try to fix everything else in my life. When I get too overwhelmed and have too many things going on all at once I can’t handle it and just give up. So if I try to fix other areas right now I’m probably going to relapse and drink…and that is not a place I want to be!
I have so many other thoughts running through my head but I think for now I need to just stop where I’m at and process everything. It’s been a very long emotional couple of days.
Until next time…