It’s been almost a month since I’ve posted! Lots has happened over the last month (almost month). Let’s see if I can bore you to death with the details of my life over the last month.
Ok, so here we go:
Had a massive reaction to the medicine I was put on for sleeping and panic attacks. When I say massive, I mean massive. I went bat shit crazy…don’t ask me exactly what bat shit crazy is but I went NUTS! As in like literally nuts. The first 7 days I was on it, it worked wonderful – no panic attacks & I was sleeping like a baby. Then something happened that 8th day – the medicine did something funky to my mental state. I was already depressed and this (the meds) made it 250% worse. I hurt myself – it could have been a LOT worse than it was. There were a few days I didn’t even get out of bed. Of course…no one realized that it was the medicine causing me to be this raving lunatic until the 14th or 15th day. Then I was taken off it and after about 48 hours I returned to my normal ‘crazy’ state – and after going through this let me just say I gladly take my normal “crazy” state any day because it was NOTHING like the crazy state I was in for a week!
I’ve been sick. I’ve had tons of blood work ran & everything comes back normal. There is no explanation as to why I’m exhausted all the time – not just normal exhaustion but getting out of bed takes everything I have some days exhaustion, have headaches every day, have aches/pains in my body and just feel icky. It was labeled as “chronic fatigue syndrome” which I think is a big ole crock of crap. It was one of those “we don’t know what’s wrong with you but you have similar symptoms to this so that’s what we’re calling it.”
I “celebrated” 4 months sobriety on the 8th of this month (August). Yeah me 🙂 It’s been one heck of a journey to get to this point! I’ve had more ‘white knuckle’ it days than I care to remember! I also got over a hump – guess that’s what you call it – and finally realized how excited I am about not drinking. I’ve started waking up realizing what a blessing it is to not wake up hungover and have to check in the driveway to see if my car is there or how it’s a blessing to not wake up afraid to roll over because I’m not sure if there is a strange man in bed next to me. Or how it’s a blessing to wake up and not have to try and piece together what I did the night before. Thank you Lord that I’m sober and starting to see the blessings in sobriety instead of being miserable and hung up on the fact that I can never drink again…right now all I have to worry about is not drinking for today. 24 hours at a time is way more doable than a lifetime.
A relative committed suicide – I think that’s been a little longer than a month cause I think I posted about that.
My grandma isn’t doing good at all…but she’s a feisty ole woman and still hanging on. She can barely breathe on her own but yet she pulls the oxygen mask off. When I recently visited I had to keep watching her chest because a few times I was certain she stopped breathing – that’s how non-normal her breathing was. I feel selfish but my prayer is that God would just take her. She’s not doing good at all.
But you know, I can look back at all that’s happened over the last month and I’m able to see that things really aren’t that bad. I’m here. I’m sober. God has a plan and a purpose for me that’s for sure. What it is? I have no idea.
Until next time…